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Sunday, June 5, 2011

Top 10 breakfast cereals totally worth the cavities!

Sorry for not updating in a few days, I've been a little busy around the home-front, as usual! Thanks for all your comments! The weather in the islands is still annoyingly un-paradise-like!

Pure nostalgia... and awful memories of having to eat many boxes
of terrible Cookie Crisp to get Donatello (the best turtle, hands down)

Booger's inspired me to write about cereal this morning. I woke up to the smell of sugar and blueberries, and a sticky grit covering my sheets. Somehow, he had scaled two good-size shelves to grab a box of Blueberry Muffin Tops. The box was probably 3/4 full, plenty to cover the kitchen floor, along with a generous portion of the living room, bedroom and bed as well, with enough left over to plump Booger's belly. I'm glad he didn't hurt himself! He's a master at slipping out of bed without waking me up, but damn... no cereal in the morning sucks.

Like most kids, I had an unhealthy addiction to breakfast cereals. I was ready to change that 'breakfast' only denomination to 'any-damn-time-of-the-day' cereal. I would gladly forsake a healthy dinner for a heaping bowl of sugar-coated mostly-corn-based crunchy bits of cereal. Now that I'm a so-called 'grown up', I should be able to get away with eating cereal for any meal, and inventing meals as excuses to eat more cereal ('midnight-thirty-meal', sounds fine to me!). However, since I do around 30% of the cooking for the house, that doesn't really fly.

Before anyone calls Child Protection Services on me for stuffing Booger full of sugary lard and corn based cereal, rest assured, he eats Cheerios, Mini Wheats & good ole oatmeal for breakfast.

Without further ado, here are my top 10 cereals of all time (in no particular order) - while some are gone, or drastically changed, know that these are probably the best cereals that will ever pound your mouth into sweet, sweet submission. Some appear healthy, but rest assured, they all have loads of delicious sugar!

"Gotta have my Pops - please change them back!"

1) Kellogg's Corn Pops
While it makes no sense that corn would make a perfect flavor for a cereal, somehow Corn Pops have always been one of my 'must have' cereals. However, the new 'added fiber' version of Corn Pops is completely inferior to the go
od old unhealthy, sugar-laden version.

More cupcake flavor than 90% of crappy
super-market bakery cupcakes!

2) Post Cupcake Pebbles
I grew up eating mountains of Fruity Pebbles, and to a lesser extent, Cocoa Pebbles when the cafeteria ran out of their fruity brethren. I noticed a new, bright teal and pink box on the shelves and had to give it a try. It lives up to the cupcake promise - it smells exactly like a vanilla frosted yellow cake, tastes just as sweet and diabetes-inducing, and creates delightful pink super-sweet milk. This has to be the sweetest cereal on my list, and its competing with my love of cake, meaning I'll probably only be able to handle one bowl a year or so.
Goodnight, sweet sugary prince...

3) General Mills French Toast Crunch
First of the discontinued masters of the cereal world, French Toast Crunch was another cereal that emulated another popular breakfast food... and then totally kicked its ass. I miss the toast-shaped version, although the later plain squares were also great. The taste was cinnamon-y & lightly vanilla-y. This cereal is still sold in Canada, making up 50% of my personal 'why Canada is great' list (the other reason - maple syrup everywhere!).

First ingredient - sugar. Just as things should be.

4) Post Golden Crisps
Probably the most old fashioned on the list, Golden Crisps have a sentimental value to me, as well as being delicious. Golden Crisps taste kind of nutty, with a lot of honey. My mom loved this cereal as a kid, and so she bought it for me when I was young. I have memories of having breakfast with her, both of us with a big bowl of Golden (then Sugar) Crisps.

Apparently Sugar Bear Santa brings good little
boys & girls sticks of butter for Christmas.

We even sent away for a goofy Christmas ornament of the Sugar Bear mascot which proudly hung on our tree for all the Christmases I remember.

Looking at this box again tells me this cereal HAD to be
incredibly delicious to overcome its disgusting appearance.

5) Kellogg Buzz Blasts
Another cereal gone too soon, Buzz Blasts were a graham cracker cereal with marshmallow bits. I'm not a Toy Story super-fan, and gave these a try because they were on sale. I was surprised how delicious they were and finished the box pretty fast. I intended to purchase a few boxes the next time I went shopping, knowing this was a limited cereal, but they had vanished when I searched for it again.

As far as I know, this is Malt-o-meal's only original
cereal; the rest are all play-it-safe knock-offs.

6) Malt-o-Meal Blueberry Muffin Tops
The only bargain cereal on my list, but its one of my very favorites. The appearance of this cereal is kind of cruddy; basic squares studded with so-fake-its-disturbing blue dots, coated in sugar. But, the taste is wonderfully like actual blueberry muffins with a crunch that lasts pretty well in milk. I have no idea if this cereal actually contains any real blueberries, and I refuse to look at the ingredients.

The superior version of Oreo O's, before their tragic death

7) Post Oreo O's
Rest in peace, delicious cookie-inspired cereal! Delightfully like real Oreos, but without the nasty (sorry, I dislike it) creme filling. These also gave milk that yummy after-cookie-dipping flavor. Out of all the discontinued cereals, this is my favorite and I have no idea why it was axed.

Healthy... in a way.

8) Kellogg's Fiber Plus Berry Yogurt Crunch
A challenger appears! I got this because I really need to stop eating all these sugary cereals, and the word 'fiber' means 'healthy', right? The appearance of this cereal is not that promising - really brown flakes, crunchy clusters with suspect purple and blue splotches and yellow blob things that are definitely NOT marshmallows. However, its actually quite yummy. The yogurt blobs' contribution to flavor is minimal, but the flakes and berries taste wonderful.

Costs roughly as much as your first born child.

9) Post Blueberry Morning
Another berry-based cereal - can you tell I love blueberries? This one has to be the most expensive cereal on my list, going for around $7 here in Hawaii (for a tiny 12.5 oz box!). While the corn flakes, real(ish) blueberries, and almonds are a winning combination, they 'refomulated' the cereal in the past few years, leaving it more bland than I remember it being (must of reduced the sugar, damn it).

Mmmm... anthropomorphic waffles.

10) Post Waffle Crisps
Another of the 'gone, but not forgotten' cereals, these were literally miniature waffles dusted with cinnamon, with a light syrup flavor. These also came in a 'Stawberry Blasted' version, which I was completely obsessed with. I loved Waffle Crisps because it was one of those rare cereals that are as enjoyable without milk as they are with milk.

Honorable Mentions

Good taste, terrible, roof of your mouth-destroying texture

Quaker Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch
I like Cap'n Crunch, but by the end of a bowl my mouth has this horrible blistered sensation. I'm curious if fiberglass or sandpaper is one of the secret ingredients.


A seasonal gangster of the cereal world.

Count Chocula
I wish Count Chocula was available all year, and not just around Halloween. Delicious chocolate bits with marshmallows, and my favorite cereal mascot (not because I'm some kind of vampire-obsessed, Twifag, because the Count is awesome).

18 comments:

  1. I also LOVED the original oreo o's and waffle crisps!! I seem to remember there being a version of Buzz Blasts that didn't have marshmallows and the flavor reminded me very much of waffle crisps. I miss all of the deceased brands that you mentioned, maybe if enough people signed a petition to Post, they would start producing those discontinued brands, if not permanently, then at least as a "for a limited time offer" gimmick. I'm pretty sure waffle crisps alone will sell so much it would be worth it, I know I would stock up with about a year or two's supply and deep freeze it haha.

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  2. So completely ignore my previous comment, apparently waffle crisp is still available to buy online here!!!!!! I am so excited, I'm ordering myself some right now!!!

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  3. I have never seen a single one of these cereals ><

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  4. I absolutely love corn pops, and waffle crips are just pure delicious.

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  5. HOLY CRAP. Waffle Crisp is AMAZING.

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  6. Damn you covered the best of them. You made me sad with the Oreo cereal, I had forgotten about them :( they're gone forever :(

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  7. Oh man i need breakfast now. I'm a cereal killah!

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  8. i sometime really wish i'd live in the us :(

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  9. why do the good ones die? :(

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  10. I love breakfeast, gonna follow!! :)

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  11. OMG. you can get oreo cereal? i want to move to america... the only cereal we have is corn pops and I used to love them... although I havent seen them for a good few years either...

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  12. holy hell those bowls are old school!

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  13. I've never heard of most of these but that Fibre Plus one looks the nicest I think.

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  14. We never had any of those in Germany.
    Those Oreo O's look delicious!

    God damn, I love cereals...

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  15. OMG, I love this post, reminds me of being a kid! Although, as an adult, I can't bring myself to eat stuff like that anymore. Way too much sugar, and high fructose corn syrup.

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  16. No Cinnamon Toast Crunch, A travesty! ;)

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