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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Beware of children

Before I get into the second part of my Irritating Professors guide, I'm going to give everyone a tip - children are dangerous. Dangerous to you, not just themselves. You're probably feeling some confusion or disbelief at that statement, unless you have children or have cared for someone's children before & experienced the indiscriminateness of a child-sized tornado. Let me clear that up right now.

When my son was born, that was absolutely the only experience I ever had with a teensy tiny newborn. I'd held my cousin's babies, but only after they were past that terrifying 'I might accidentally break this fragile creature' phase. And that was about all I'd done - I'd hold them for two seconds, they'd begin to scream after sensing my extreme lack of experience in the child department, & back to mommy they'd go. I wasn't aware of the danger of injury to myself the tiny creatures possess.

When my son was around five months & not able to do much besides sit up & drool, he managed to head butt me with enough force to chip my front tooth. He cried for a maximum of 15 seconds, then laughed at my wail of horror at realizing I had just swallowed a piece of my own tooth. Around Christmas when he was ten months old, I had a spectacular skid on a small wagon into a chair, ending up with a very festive half-wreath of blue-black-green bruising on my ribs. It was something straight out of a Looney Tunes cartoon. I'm not going to delve into the many other bruises & scrapes.

Yesterday Booger was playing with a toy hammer (not a real one) & using it to beat down towers of blocks I was building for him. Great fun, easy way to keep him occupied while I tried to straighten out a bill over the phone. Until he hauled off & threw the hammer at me. He nailed me right in the side of the wrist, & it hurt. He laughed at the silly sound-effect the hammer makes whenever it hits anything, mom or inanimate object. Today, its swollen a half-inch & is a nasty purple-ish color. And yeah, it hurts a bit while typing.

I'm just thankful I'm going to school for nursing, because injuries are par for the course until your kids are out of the house.

29 comments:

  1. Your Booger sounds like a real knucklehead. And I'm sure he will grow up to be a very loving son. But you really swallowed your own tooth? Ouch!

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  2. Haha, I would hate to have children. Sounds like a great reward but a lot of work!

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  3. Uh, this makes me even more afraid of kids.

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  4. Aww this was a good blog post. Thats crazy that he was able to headbutt you hard enough to chip your tooth. Ouch!

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  5. Surprised you could type this out with your wrist like that! You swallowed part of your tooth, I don't know what's scarier that or the fact he hit you with that kind of force!

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  6. thank god i dont have any kids hahahaha

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  7. awww I want to have a son some day , im ok with my nephew by now

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  8. hehehehe, maybe you should give him some crayons and a piece of paper instead o hammer?

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  9. Hahah! Kind of reminds me of that episode of the Simpsons where Maggie hits Homer on the head with the mallet :P

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  10. Hahaha sounds like you are studying an appropriate subject :)

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  11. that sounds painful! Looking forward to it as Im expecting my first :P Im hoping for a boy.

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  12. i can't handle kids imo, they creep me out >.<

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  13. oh my god kids can be so cruel. but i want many kids from many different woman at least 50. i swear im thinking about donating semen just to get my dna more spread and have more kids in total

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  14. always gotta keep an eye on the kids. They always seem to be getting themselves into all kinds of mischeif

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  15. It sounds pretty sore. Wow.

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  16. this makes me even more afraid of kids.

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  17. soo glad i don't have any kids yet

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  18. haha, yeah you are rigth kids give as a lot of work

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  19. I can relate, having two younger brothers. Being Swedish and all we didn't have toy hammers, we all had real knifes at age 5. Imagine the chaos...

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  20. Children have always scared me.

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  21. I love that baby's find it so amusing when they hurt their parents. Its like the "ouch" noise you makes is funny to all baby's.

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  22. i've never been good with kids and i think they're a total nightmare!

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  23. i remember getting really hurt a lot when i was kid; and accidentally hurting everyone around me....good thing your a nurse

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  24. I try to stay away from children. They are messy.

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  25. I will definitely be following you now.
    I'm about to get a job baby-sitting kids.

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